CASE STUDY
Sarah is a married mother of two from Kilmarnock. Like most couples, she and her husband enjoy a glass or two of wine during the week and more at weekends but find it sometimes leads to arguments:
"My husband and I bicker about petty things like all couples do but occasionally, usually when we've had too much to drink, these silly arguments turn into full scale rows. They're usually about money, our families or occasionally the other one's drinking – I particularly get annoyed when I think he's had too much. Somehow when you've been drinking everything gets blown out of proportion and it's really easy to say things you regret.
"The next morning I can't work out why I got so worked up and we tend to just make up and try and forget it but it does leave a bad feeling between us. It can be a couple of days before we've fully forgotten about it and it bothers me that we seem to row about the same things all the time – it's like we're just going over old ground."
Have your say in the Government's
Alcohol Consultation?
The Scottish Government is conducting a
Consultation on Alcohol Misuse in Scotland and
would like to hear your views. If you'd like to have
your say in the new plan of action, details on how to
take part can be found on the Scottish Government website.
Closing date for responses is September 9, 2008.
Relationships. Is alcohol the third person in your relationship?
According to relationship counsellors Relate, half of all 18 to 24 year olds and more than a third of 35 to 45 year olds admit to having arguments with their partners after they've been drinking, illustrating the impact alcohol can have on our relationships.
Happily married
Sarah and Mark, married for seven years, often share bottle, or sometimes two, of wine as a way to unwind. Both agree that alcohol helps them relax but admit it does sometimes cause friction between them.
Sarah says: 'Like most couples Mark and I enjoy a glass of wine and it's a lovely way to spend time together at the end of a busy week. But occasionally we'll start niggling each other and sometimes it ends up becoming a full blown row. It's usually about the same thing, money or our families. Somehow things seem to get a bit twisted and exaggerated and it's easy to lose perspective when you've been drinking. Normally when we wake up the next morning I can't remember what I got so worked up about which shows how stupid the whole thing is'.
"We can be out having a lovely night and then, for some reason or other, one of us will get annoyed at something . . . "
Arguments in front of friends and family can also be embarrassing for everyone. Nicola has been living with her boyfriend for two years and finds that they often end up arguing after a night out. 'Alcohol definitely plays a part in our arguments. We can be out having a lovely night and then, for some reason or other, one of us will get annoyed at something the other one does. We'll end up arguing about something totally random and it all gets blown out of proportion. It is embarrassing – even though you and your partner can wake up the next day and forget all about it other people don't and it's embarrassing to think they've seen us bickering over nothing'.
Quality time together
Alcohol itself can also become a bone of contention. One in five people thinks their partner drinks too much and this can also be the source of disagreements.
Rebecca, a 27 year old receptionist from Glasgow, says that her boyfriend's drinking habits often cause them to argue.
'My boyfriend works hard and he enjoys having a few drinks in the pub after work but sometimes I get irritated that he spends time in the pub rather than with me. Normally I don't mind but if I'm feeling stressed then it can be the catalyst for rows. I just get annoyed, we're trying to save money for a deposit for our first flat and it bothers me that he'd rather spend money on booze'.
DID YOU KNOW?
- Marriages affected by alcohol problems are twice as likely to end in divorce
- One in five people thinks their partner drinks too much
- Half of all 18 to 24 year olds and more than a third of 35 to 45 year olds admit to having arguments after they've been drinking.
- The most common cause of arguments are:
Anything and everything (35%)
The behaviour of either partner (31%)
Money (14%)
The children (12%)
Domestic chores (11%)
The fact that your partner is drinking (10%)
The in-laws (5%)
THE DEBATE
Does alcohol affect our relationships with others? [56 comments]
the fact is money hurts people and its the most effective way of changing peoples behavior. Alcohol changes peoples perceptions and heavy drinking on a regular basis degrades personalities in the longterm.
Cameron, Aberdeen. Friday, 3 October, 2008, 16:50.
Why is everyone moaning about the government regarding alcohol. Don't get me wrong, they have their faults and lots of them, but isn't blaming them just an excuse. Only the people that have a problem will blame it on someone else. I know all about being in relationships with p....
Tam, Edinburgh. Saturday, 30 August, 2008, 20:47.
to colin, Paisley When you order your drink get a glass of water with ice and alternate then you won't get so drunk and won't be finished first
Elaine, Hamilton. Friday, 29 August, 2008, 16:48.
Join the current debate