Week 10 – First Date Drinking

9:40am
My alarm goes off.
It is Saturday.
I get up quickly.
I am excited.
I have a date tonight.
James from the Manchester office has been up on business.
He has decided to stay the weekend too.
He asked if I would like to go out for dinner tonight.
I accepted.

I had to restrain myself from being too excited about the date.
James and I have been texting each other for the last six weeks.
Usually I text him after I have had a wee drink.
I always need a bit of courage to text and say how I feel.
He sometimes does not respond for a few days and I then become paranoid he does not want to talk to me.
He does eventually respond though.
I don't seem to have done too much damage. I haven't scared him off.
This has to be a good sign.

10:30am
I have an appointment for an all over body massage.

12:00pm
I have an appointment at the hairdressers.

I want to look and feel good for tonight.
I even turned down a night out last night with the girls to make sure I got a good night's sleep.

I had come home and given myself a pedicure, a facial and waxed my bikini line.
Not that I am planning on having sex with James tonight but I think it is essential to feel good all over.

I haven't been on a date for ages.

The past few dates I have been on have been disastrous.

I have been nervous.
I worry that I don't have anything to talk about and that my date will find me boring.
So I have a glass of wine before I leave the flat.
When I get to the bar or restaurant I have another glass of wine and drink it in the space of about 20 minutes.
Again I am nervous.
I have another glass of wine

By now I am talking freely.
I talk about family, work, friends.
He talks about family, work, friends.
I will drink more wine.
He will drink more beer.

Then I worry about making a move.
Will he do it?
Will I do it?
Maybe he just enjoys my chat as a friend?
What if I make a move and I get rejected?
What if he doesn't make a move and he thinks it is because I am not interested in him?
So I have a drink to hopefully make the situation easier.

By the time we leave the bar we will probably already have kissed - I will have instigated this of course.
We will leave the bar staggering and talking non-stop.
We will kiss on the street.
Then one of two things will happen.
I will end up at home passed out in my bed.
Or
I will end up having sex with my date.
Both of these leave me feeling crap the next day because I think my date will have lost respect for me and think I was just out for a laugh.
This is not the case.

So tonight with James I will be sensible.
I really do like him.
But I must not let my emotions or the drink take over.

We will have dinner.
A bottle of wine between us.
A drink in a bar.
He will walk me home, kiss me goodnight and get a taxi home.
All a bit like being in a movie.
Or maybe that's just my romantic myth.

5:30pm
My hair is done and I am feeling relaxed.

6:00pm
I have a shower.

6:30pm
I apply my make-up.

I get a taxi to meet James at the restaurant.
It is an Italian place in the centre of town.

I arrive before James.
I sit down at a table.
I look about the restaurant.
It is quiet.
There are about another eight couples eating and drinking.
The waiter comes over to see if I would like to order a drink.
I say that I will wait until my friend arrives.

7:45pm
James has not arrived yet.
I look at the menu and decide I am going to have the pasta with tomatoes and chilli – I don't want to have anything with garlic or onions which will make my breath smell!

7:55pm
James has still not arrived.

I text him.

I AM AT THE RESTAURANT SEE YOU SOON.
Send

8:05pm
My phone beeps.

SO SORRY BEEN IN PUB ALL AFTERNOON WITH THE BOYS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL. WHY DO YOU NOT JUST COME AND JOIN US HERE. DON'T THINK AM IN A STATE TO SIT IN A RESTAURANT.

I look at my phone.
I put on my jacket.
I pick up my bag.
I leave the restaurant.

I have three options
1. I could go and meet James in the pub.
2. I could go to my mate Charlotte’s.
3. I could go home.

A taxi passes.
I stick out my arm.
The taxi stops.
I get in and give the driver the destination.

"A big night out for you?" he says.

"No" I reply.

"I'm going home".

I get out of the taxi.
I unlock my door.

I go to the kitchen.
I open my fridge.
I take out a bottle of wine.
I pour a glass and light a cigarette.